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One Green Frog

February 8, 2010

Brothers with a green frog

Friday  night I started feeling really sorry for myself.

Being ‘Star of the Week’ is a coveted title in Liam’s kindergarden class.  It means you get a make a poster all about you that displays in the hallway for everyone to see.  It means you get to be leader for one whole week.  And it means that Legs the Frog gets to come home with you all week. At the end of the week you get to write in Legs journal and tell all about the exploits of Legs and your family.  Your story goes down as part of history in the Kindergarten class at St. Bonaventure’s College. It was finally Liam’s time.

Ryan left for almost a week around noon on the Friday, the Friday before Liam was to be star.  In the throws of Friday night my sinus’ became so blocked I woke in fits of panic feeling like I couldn’t breath. No amount of blankets could warm me up. Liam came to my rescue around 8am with water and everything else a sick mother needed. I mustered the strength to take me and my pillow downstairs to the couch where I could at least witness what the kids were doing and where I would stay for almost 10 days.

My niece, Kassi, graciously came and fed the kids on Saturday. My symptoms worsened. As I tossed in bed I cried out to God to heal me.  But God didn’t heal me.  There was no way I could enter into the week like this. No way I could take Liam to school on Monday morning and no way that I could journal about a stuffed frog.  I couldn’t care for my kids, myself, the dog or a frog. If I had the strength and I could find a hole I would have crawled into it and died. I would have given up.  I wanted to know how to have enough faith to be healed.

During the dark night God came back to me.  He paced the word LOVE in my fevered night vision. What? I didn’t understand.  I was the one who needed to be loved.  Was He telling me to be the one to have love? Love, love, love.  I like to say I meditated on it all week but really it just haunted my fever soaked dreams.

1 Corinthians 13. ‘The greatest of these is love.’ ‘Love never fails.’ No matter what wonderful things I do in this world if I have not love while I do them the deeds are nothing. Wait, it also says ‘love bears all things’. Life I guess is not meant to be easy.  Easy is boring right?!

Through the most horrible sinus infection I’ve ever experienced I was shown much love from my 5 year old, from my sister, niece and aunt as they took care of the kids and even from my dog as she slept with me to keep me warm. I was also loved by God as he spoke to my heart more than once over that time.

Love bears all things.’ Not some things or certain things but all things.  Love bears up sickness and hurt, arguments and strife. Loving is also trusting. When I put my own self pity aside and just loved, just trusted God, love beared all things in my life. I have a new understanding of love.  Love does not equal quitting.  Quitting meant giving up on my family and myself.  But love meant perseverence, it meant growth, and a new me.

Love is greater than faith and hope.  God wanted me to see that I didn’t need more faith to be healed I needed more love.  And LOVE never fails. I wrote in the kindergarten journal that Legs had a great time as he watched Liam take care of his mommy.  Liam was Star of the Week thanks to Kassi who drove him to school each day.  And Legs hung out at our house, as sickly as it was.

Legs is now with a new family. And LOVE, not ‘I luv u‘ love but real love, has conquered this house.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Rochelle permalink
    February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    Truly inspiring, Charla – thanks for sharing! It was good to see you yesterday feeling well, even though we never had the chance to chat!

  2. February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    Thanks Rochelle. It was good to be out in the world again, that’s for sure!

  3. Erica permalink
    February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    I’m happy that you are feeling better, there’s nothing worse then being sick and feeling hopeless. I believe that Love is something greater, love heals, love is what what we need, it’s what I need anyways :). I have faith too, faith in the lord, there are times I feel that he’s not there and he’s not listening…but then I always remember that faith is love, they come together into something so strong, so powerful. ‘Love truly do bear all things.’

    And your words are inspiration!!! Take Care & God Bless

  4. February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    Awesome post and very inspiring! I have been struggling with my own faith lately as I battle infertility trying to have a 2nd child. Your post about LOVE gives me new perspective and something to focus on in my journey! Thank you

  5. Victoria permalink
    February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    Charla,

    That was the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time. It’s easy to forget some of those lessons from day to day. I thank you for reminding me. It has helped to open me, my clients will thank you for sure! So glad to know that your family continues to be awesome! I am glad to know you are feeling better.

    Take Care,

    Victoria.

  6. February 8, 2010 5:3 3

    Terrific post Charla! I *loved* it 🙂

  7. Amy Chislett permalink
    February 9, 2010 5:3 3

    A beautiful post!
    Amy

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